Skulduggery's New Love
by Agent Sapphire
Summary: Skulduggery seems to have gone mad and fallen in love with a plasic skeleton! Valkyrie and Tanith try to stop the wedding. Not real romance.
1. Chapter 1

**Skulduggery's New Love**

**Chapter 1**

Worried

**A/n: This is set about a week after Skulduggery gets back from the faceless ones and Skulduggery isn't right in the skull. I haven't read the book for ages, so ignore anything that doesn't make sense. (I know that means the whole story, but you know what I mean)**

Valkyrie was getting worried about Skulduggery. She hadn't seen him for nearly a week and he hadn't responded to any of her messages or calls. 'Calling Tanith would be a good idea,' she thought. She picked up her mobile and was just finding Tanith's number when the phone rang. "Hello," she said.

"Hello Valkyrie!" said Skulduggery on the other end of the phone.

"Oh thank God that you are ok! I was really worried about you!" said Valkyrie.

"Why would you be worried?" asked Skulduggery.

"You know, like that I haven't seen you for about ages and you haven't been replying to me?"

"Oh, that's because I've been busy."  
>"Doing what?"<p>

"Getting engaged!"

"WHAT!"

"I want you to come over and meet my finance, Skulina!"

"Okay…"  
>"I'll on my way to your house now. You can come over to mine."<p>

"Fine…"

Valkyrie hung up. She was very shocked. How did he get engaged that quickly? And he'd already had a wife and family. The faceless ones must of really messed with his mind. Valkyrie shook her head. After she'd met 'Skulina' she was going to see Tanith. Tanith would help.

About 20 minutes later, the Bentley pulled up outside the house. Valkyrie ran down stairs and into the car. Skulduggery was sitting in the divers seat.

"I'm sure you and Skulina will get along well," he said. "We had so much in common, we had to get married."

"Like what?" asked Valkyrie, feeling worried about her friend.

"Well, we're both skeletons for a start."

If Valkyrie was a cartoon person, she would of sweat dropped. She had a feeling that Skulduggery really had lost it.

They stopped outside Skulduggery's house. (If Valkyrie hasn't seen it at this point in the series, it'd because it's been ages since I read the book, ok?) Skulduggery skipped inside, singing a song from 'The Sound of Music'.

'Mad singing, check!' thought Valkyrie, who had decided to start checking Skulduggery on a madness list.

"This way!" sang Skulduggery. "Skulina is in here!"

He led Valkyrie into his living room. In the middle of the room was a grinning plastic science model skeleton.

"My love!" announced Skulduggery as he tried to kiss the plastic skeleton. Instead he just banged his head. No lips, remember?


	2. Spies

**Chapter 2**

**Spies**

**Disclaimer: ****This goes for the rest of the story, not my stuff. **

The next day, Valkyrie got up at 5am. She got ready quickly and then headed off to the park. She needed to talk to someone.

Sure enough, Tanith was where Valkyrie thought she would be. She was viciously attacking a straw dummy with her sword. The dummy turned into dust in seconds and Tanith turned round to see Valkyrie standing behind her.

"What did that poor dummy do to you?" asked Valkyrie.

"It was dumb?" offered Tanith. "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," said Valkyrie. "It's really important."

She took Tanith to a nearby bench and sat down. She motioned for Tanith to sit beside her. Tanith obliged and Valkyrie started to explain.

"It's Skulduggery," she sighed. "He's engaged."

"What?" Tanith said, shock showing in her face. "I thought he got married once anyway!"

"That's not the worst thing," continued Valkyrie darkly. "He's engaged to a plastic skeleton called… drum roll please!"

Tanith did a drum roll on her knees.

"Skulina!" announced Valkyrie.

"Okay…" said Tanith. "That is serious. Are you sure he isn't playing a joke on you?"

"I'm deadly serious," said Valkyrie. "What do you think we shoul do?"

Tanith stayed still for a short while before turning to Valkyrie with a broad smile. "We will become… drum roll please!"

Valkyrie did not do a drum roll.

"Ahem," coughed Tanith. "I said, Drum Roll Please!"

Valkyrie still did not do a drum roll.

"You're meant to do a drum roll," hissed Tanith at her.

"I know," replied Valkyrie. "I don't want to do one."

Tanith pulled a sad face and then continued with her idea. "We will become… spies!"

"Cool, but how will that help? Valkyrie asked.

"We can see if he really is mad or if he is playing a joke on us. Then we can think of a plan to stop the wedding if he is!" explained Tanith. "Meet here in an hour with spy stuff."

The two girls got up and went to get some spy stuff.

An hour later they met up. Tanith had a list in her hand and a rucksack, while Valkyrie had a big 'bag for life' that some clothes were spilling out of.

"I got a list of the signs of madness from the internet and some surveillance things," said Tanith. "What you got?"

Valkyrie gestured to the bag of clothes. "I got us some disguises."

"Good," said Tanith. "Right, what we are going to do is we will dress up as repair men and you will interrogate Skulduggery while I plant surveillance cameras around the house."  
>"Ok," said Valkyrie. "But we need code names!"<p>

Tanith thought hard for about two seconds. "I will be Agent T and you can be Agent V," she said. "It doesn't need to be hard."

"Ok," said Agent V. "Let's go spy!"

"DING DONG!" said the doorbell. It actually sat soundedaid that, not just made a noise that sounded like ding dong. It was an amusing doorbell, or so Sulduggery thought.

Skulduggery opened then door. Standing on the doorstep were two men wearing overalls. They had enornmous mushtaches and a large toolbox. "What do you want?" he asked.

"We need to check the meter, um, thing, because of the, um, pressure, er… that's caused by the build up of too much, um, stuff," said the taller one in a strangly deep voice.

"Yes," said the other one. "Or there will be a 99% chance that there will be a 48.999% chance that 30.6% of the block up will 88% catch fire because of the pressure exceeding 79% of the recomened 33% amount and could result in a 73% chance of having a 81.538255001% chance of having a small fire or 73.9973583000000003220000% chance of an explosion that will kill 91.% of the worlds population and blowup 58% of the worlds continents."

"Oh, okay," said Skulduggery as he ushered them into the house. "Just do whatever,"

"We are experts at doing whatever," said the shorter man. "Whatever doers is are company name. Now, Mr T will ask you some questions while I sort out the stuff."

"Right, first question!" said Agent T. she couldn't believe that he had fallen for it. Agent V had been very convincing with all the number and stuff. She was now planting camras in all of the rooms of the house. Her job was to keep and eye on Skulduggery and see if he was mad.

"What is your name?"

"Skulduggery Pleasant."

"Do you have a finance?"

"Yes, they are called Skulina."

"Are you mad?"

"No,"

"Are you sure?"

"No,"

"So you might be mad?"

"Maybe, but I don't think I am,"

"Are you a skeleton?"

"Yes,"

"Are you a sourcer?"

"Yes,"

Those few questions gave Agent T all the information she needed. He was mad, because he wouldn't just tell people that he was dead and could do magic. She asked pointless questions for a while until she reckoned Agent V had finished the job and asked "Do you have any questions before I leave?"

"Yes," said Skulduggery. "What would happen if a snake ate it's tail. Because, I mean, wouldn't the tal go inside the tail and it would be in a big ring and where would the snake go?"

"I have no idea," said Agent T bluntly and left. Agent V was waiting outside.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Mad," said Agent T.

**A/N: ****Really sorry for not updating for agesw but I have school and stuff and I spend my time either doing homework or writing my book. I swear I wil see this out to the end but it could take a while. I'm rereading the SP series so maybe it will inspire me to spend more time on this.**


End file.
